HOORAY THE LITTERBOX IS CLEANED it’s a wonderful present AND NOW LET’S EXCHANGE PRESENTS nggggggghh WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ALREADY HAD THIS

TO CHEW THE UNCHEWABLE TOY to lick the unlickable pillow TO CLIMB THE IMPOSSIBLE STAIRS this is my queeeeessssst to follow OOPS MEOW

has anyone seen my keys TRICK QUESTION CATS DO NOT HAVE KEYS granted that would solve a bunch of problems wouldn’t it HMMMMMMM

GLITTERY CAT EYES IN DARKNESS take the hint buddy OH JEEZ NO TURN OFF THAT LIGHT hints are not your strong suit are they AIIGGG EYES

FOR GOODNESS SAKES PEOPLE must have walked twenty to thirty feet and nobody shoved tuna in my mouth THE TUNA DROUGHT CONTINUES

JUST ANOTHER CASE OF BOY MEETS RUG oh ruggy rug what was I before you A CAT WITHOUT A RUG THAT’S WHAT roll roll roll WHEEEEEE YES RUG

oh boy it is time for my new science fiction epic JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE LIVING ROOM well here we are THAT WASN’T EPIC AT ALL jeez

HEY JUST HEARD THE NEWS @THERUSTCAT good travels to you sir ENDLESS TENNIS BALLS AWAIT good work soldier

rub rub RUB RUB RUB RUB rub rub RUUUUUB RUB rub rub rub WHEW quite a morning’s work NOW I OWN EVERY SINGLE THING IN HERE get out

SHOE SHOE SHOE SHOE SHOE SHOE socks SHOE SHOE SHOE SHOE SHOE socks tail SHOE SHOE SHOE oh you noticed

defragmenting litterbox THIS WILL TAKE QUITE SOME TIME chuf chuf chuf chuf chuf chuf SERIOUSLY GO TAKE A WALK OR SOMETHING chuf chuf

sitting on couch WHAT OF IT not every occasion of me sitting on the couch means I am hiding something OK FINE IT’S UNDER THE CUSHION

COMPLETELY VICTORIOUS OVER THIS RUG for varying quantities of victory OH WHO AM I KIDDING I STILL LOVE YOU RUGGY RUG RUG

HAVE JUST STARTED NEW TRANSACTION SERVICE CALLED SOCKSPAL flexible and easy to use JUST GIVE ME A TREAT AND I PRETEND I AM YOUR PAL

wuh huh WOAH DID I SLEEP THE WHOLE DAY AWAY AGAIN I can’t believe it THIS IS AWESOME now to go for the record zzzzzzz

MAYBE IN THE HEADY DAYS OF UNINFORMED YOUTH BATHTUB WAS ACCEPTABLE but let me say from this vantage point NO WAY BUDDY voting no on bathtub

LET ME CHECK THE RESERVATION BOOK sorry it appears I am booked solid all day for face down between two couch cushions CHECK TOMORROW

I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THE NEW SOCKS TABLET note soft cushion for me and occasional other cats AVAILABLE TODAY sorry only one in stock

I AM JUDGE JURY AND STENOGRAPHER sorry executioner is out REGARDLESS AM TAKING THIS ALL DOWN ON A PILLOW we find you guilty of no treat

AND ONE MORE SHOUTOUT TO SOCKS ARMY MEMBER SASHA took a very long trip on january 18 JUST FOR THE RECORD OWN HEALTH SEEMS FINE no worries